When Did You Stop Including Yourself?
- thespiralcoaching
- Jun 26
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 9
If I asked you - 'When Did You Stop Including Yourself?', you probably wouldn't know.
Not the day.
Not even the year.
Because it doesn't happen overnight.
Nobody wakes up one morning and decides to stop living for themselves.
It happens quietly.
One responsibility at a time.
One compromise at a time.
Until one day, you look around and realise you've become so busy managing life that you've stopped being part of it.
Since my dad passed away recently, I've found myself replaying the same memory.
For years, I tried to convince him that his happiness mattered.
"Your happiness is more important."
"Please do something for yourself."
"You're important too."
I wasn't just reminding him.
I was pleading with him.
He'd smile.
He'd agree.
And then he'd carry on exactly as he always had.
I wish I could have helped him.
Not just as his daughter.
But as the coach I've become.
My dad worked all his life.
He made sure there was always enough.
Financially, we were comfortable.
But looking back now, I don't think he was really there.
Not just as a dad.
As a man living his own life.
The dad I remember when I was young wasn't defined by work.
He was defined by life.
There were always last-minute holidays booked, and every year the list of friends joining us somehow got bigger.
He loved the outdoors.
Nature seemed to bring him back to life.
He was creative, a secret artist with an incredible mathematical mind.
He loved long conversations that somehow lasted for hours.
He played practical jokes we'd still laugh about years later.
He had a spark.
Then, little by little, life took over.
Work.
Bills.
Responsibilities.
The conversations became shorter.
The laughter became quieter.
Life became something he managed instead of something he experienced.
As his daughter, I couldn't understand it.
Today, I think I can.
Looking back, I don't think my dad simply became unhappy.
I think he slowly abandoned himself. Little by little.
One responsibility at a time. One compromise at a time.
One year became five. Five became twenty.
The hardest part is that you don't feel yourself disappearing while it's happening.
You only recognise it when you catch yourself wondering,
"When did I stop feeling like me?"
It's not that different from the women I work with.
They've built successful careers, businesses and lives they once dreamed of.
Yet somewhere along the way, something no longer feels right.
The version of success that got them here no longer fits the woman they've become.
Most of them know something feels different.
Very few can tell you when it happened.
Or how.
Because self-abandonment rarely looks like self-abandonment.
It looks like being dependable.
Being capable.
Being the one everyone relies on.
Putting yourself last because everyone else comes first.
It looks responsible.
It even looks successful.
Until one day, you realise you've built a life that no longer fully includes you.
After coaching more than 700 people through growth, transition and personal change, I've learned something.
Real, lasting change doesn't come from trying harder.
It comes from understanding the identity patterns, limiting beliefs and unconscious drivers that quietly shape how you think, make decisions and experience success.
Today, I spend my days helping women recognise these patterns before they become the only way they know how to live.
That's the work we do together inside Success Written By You.
Over twelve weeks, we explore the identity patterns, limiting beliefs and unconscious drivers that quietly shape how you think, make decisions and experience success.
Because when those patterns change, everything else begins to change with them.
I've watched women launch businesses.
Change careers.
Transform relationships.
Finally pursue dreams they've put on hold for years.
But the biggest transformation isn't usually what changes around them.
It's what changes within them.
They hear their own voice again.
They stop waiting for permission.
They trust themselves.
And for the first time in a long time, success starts to include them too.
Success was never supposed to cost you the relationship you have with yourself.
And perhaps the greatest legacy we leave isn't showing our children how much we can carry.
It's showing them that success can still include the person living it.
If this resonated with you, perhaps it's time to ask yourself the same question.
When did you stop including yourself?
If you'd like to explore what that answer could look like, I'd be delighted to meet you for a confidential Success Review Session.
A relaxed conversation where we'll explore what's happening for you, where you want to go next, and whether coaching is the right next step.
About The Spiral Coaching
The Spiral Coaching is led by Senem Palaz, an ICF-trained Success & Identity Coach who has supported more than 700 people through growth, transition and personal change.
Her signature 12-week coaching programme, Success Written By You, helps ambitious women break the patterns behind burnout, self-abandonment and over-responsibility, creating a version of success that finally includes them.
All coaching is private, one-to-one, fully online and confidential.
This newsletter reflects personal and professional experience and is not a substitute for clinical mental health support. If you are experiencing significant distress, support from a qualified mental health professional is recommended.
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